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Let’s Talk About Confusion and braces

By this time in my life, I consider myself a diet expert.
There isn’t a diet out there that I haven’t heard about, read
about, or researched. I also consider myself pretty
knowledgeable when it comes to diets. You couldn’t tell
from looking at me, but I am a diet professional.
This is where the diets get confusing, well, at least for me. I
know a lot about a lot of different diets. I’ve tried a lot of
different diets, but yet I’m still heavy. I think I know why.
I always start my day with a positive attitude, and
determined that today is the day I’ll succeed at my diet.
Because I’m married, and because I’m raising three teenage
grandchildren it really is hard to diet in a houseful of eaters.
So, instead of me picking one diet, I mix them all up
depending on what’s going on for that day. You see where
this is a problem, right?
The kids want pizza, great. I can do that. I’ll just count
points and eat my 21 points worth of pizza. Rex wants
seafood, great, I can do the low-carb plan so I can eat all
the crab legs I want and still be able to dip them in butter.
A birthday party, great, back to counting points again.
It’s a rollercoaster ride and I’m really getting tired of being
on top and taking the plunge to the bottom. You can count
calories, net carbs, or points, or drink smoothies if you can
get them down, but you have to pick only one diet and you
have to stick with it.
Let’s Talk About Braces!
In my last desperate attempt at weight loss, I went to the
orthodontist and got braces. Yep, that’s right. Mother of
six, grandmother of more than six, and at age 53 I decided
to get braces. When my grandson Desmond had braces, his
mouth was so sore he lost ten pounds. The same thing
happened to my granddaughter Samantha — she dropped
fifteen pounds from wearing braces. If it worked for them,
certainly it’ll work for me. Right? Wouldn’t you think?
I have a space that has always bothered me and when I was
at the dentist I mentioned I wanted braces to close the
space. I didn’t tell him this was all part of my weight-loss
plan. He thought it was a great idea. I called and made an
appointment with the orthodontist. A few weeks later, this
52-year-old (see what I did there? In the previous
paragraph, I was 53. This is a book so you can’t see how
old I am. I may decide to end my essay by telling you that
dieting works and I weigh 105 pounds and I am really 24
years old) grandma was sporting braces. My mouth hurt,
the wires rubbed the inside of my cheeks causing sores, and
I couldn’t bite into anything. Great, my plan was working.
My mouth was too sore for me to eat anything.
The first two days or maybe a week was the worst. I was
eating soup and was not happy about it. While I was forced
to eat soup, Rex was eating big fat burgers from his favorite
hamburger joint. I had forgotten how it felt to go hungry
and I wasn’t happy about not being able to eat.
That didn’t last long. Either I was hungry enough to ignore
the pain, or I just got used to it and it didn’t bother me, so I
also ate whatever I wanted.
Great, I failed at another weight-loss attempt, but I do have
perfectly straight teeth. I just got my braces off and moved
on to wearing a retainer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Maybe the retainer will help with my weight loss. Can’t
blame a girl for trying.